A Note on Self Confidence


Since turning 30 at the end of last year, I've been in a reflective mood. One area that I've always struggled with is self confidence. I've never been a particularly confident person, in my teens I had a lot of issues with self worth but as I've grown older I've noticed a change. I guess that's what has encouraged me to write this post and to share a few things that I've learnt/realised about confidence.

Confidence grows with age.
When I was younger, I used to hear so many people say this and I truly didn't believe it. However, I can honestly say its true. As I've got older, I've become more comfortable with myself and that's not to say I wouldn't change anything as I would like to be a bit more toned, have nicer hair etc. For me, self confidence has become about self-acceptance and caring less what people think. Years ago, I wouldn't leave the house without eyeliner and lipstick, whereas these days I really don't care. Worrying what everyone thinks about you doesn't get you anywhere and to be frank,people are too busy to care. Accepting yourself for how you are is an important part of being confident.

Confidence isn't a reflection of how you look
Though I do think things like getting a new hair cut, loosing weight, buying new clothes etc can give you a boost in the short term, I really believe true confidence comes from within. If you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? If you don't like yourself, you're going to be unhappy, regardless of how you look.

Comparing yourself to others gets you nowhere
I mentioned this quote in another post but I love the saying 'dont compare your beginning to someone elses middle'. Everyone is different and I think its wastes so much time when you constantly look at what others are doing. I'm never going to look like a supermodel or have things that others have but that's ok. 

Being around negative people can affect you.
I've learnt its best to walk away from people who put you down. Usually its more a refection of themselves - putting people down to make themselves feel better. Self confidence grows with positive energy and more so when you're surrounded by positive people. A person with a positive mind is more likely to feel better about themselves than someone full of negative thoughts.

Confidence can come from unlikely places.
For me, blogging has given me a confidence that I didn't have before, probably as when I started it was something out of my comfort zone. Sometimes doing things that you wouldn't normally consider (obviously legal things) can break any aspect of self doubt. If you don't give something a try, then how do you know what will happen?

Having a bit of belief in yourself can make you realise how many goals you could achieve (realistic goals - I'm not talking about fame and fortune). I do have a book, that's really helped me to change my way of thinking somewhat (I'll do a post on it soon) but sometimes a bit of reflection on life can give you food for thought.


21 comments

  1. You need to have a lot of courage to write a post like this. I've enjoyed a lot reading it.
    I remember when I truly realised that the less u care, the haplier you are. I always said that i didn't care about the others' opinion, but i always did until a while a go. It makes a difference when you start to be "free" in that aspect.
    Thanks for this lovely post
    xx Cecil

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  2. I really like this post and the idea is great. It really is true that you become more confident with age. I'm 23 and I feel a bit more confident every day because, like you've said it, it's just about self-acceptance!

    Lovely post! x

    http://beckythewallflower.blogspot.com

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  3. Great post lovely - I totally agree that confidence comes with age, as I get older i definitely care less what others think! xxx Thou Shalt Not Covet

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  4. I compare myself to others constantly. It's so annoying but I can't stop.. I hope I'll be as wise as you when I'm 30 x

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  5. Through experience i know that being around negative people can lower your self confidence so so much, love this post!

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  6. Thank you for this lovely post :') I have such low self esteem, going through quite a bad time of hating myself, since I was 14 really and i'm 19 now. It's not improved, it's just changed. I'm not so bothered about how I look, cos I don't care what others look like either. But I just feel pretty low about my personality and that I don't do enough :/ lol deep comment haha. Gotta try and get outta this funk! x
    amber love

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  7. this was really inspiring and reassuring, lovely post!x

    http://ellasw0rld.blogspot.co.uk

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  8. Cheers for this. I have extremely low self esteem that's gradually been improving the past couple of years. My dad was the same and he says that it grows with age - he said he always felt so low about the way he looked/his personality but now he is one of the most confident, opinionated, funniest and also lovely people I know - so I pray a similar confidence thing can happen to me with age!

    Jade x
    jadethejourno.blogspot.co.uk ♡

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  9. It is comforting to know confidence will come with age, haha! I am 14 and a really really shy person, which doesn't help with school or any kind of social situation really. It's not usually about my appearance, it's more about my general being. I have only just started blogging, but I really hope it gives me confidence like it has done for you. Apart from that, I find my confidence in acting as it gives me a chance to wind down and sometimes it is relaxing to not be myself in front of people for a while! I know it sounds weird, but it is true. I loved reading this post as it is on a subject I have been able to relate to from a very young age.
    www.whatthefudge14.blogspot.co.uk

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  10. I think this is a really insightful blog post. I agree that comparing yourself to other people does nothing for ones self confidence. How would you handle being compared to people by others, especially people you can't truly separate yourself from (like a critical mother)?

    Cheers, and thanks for the advice :D
    www.natillie.com

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  11. I really enjoyed reading this, especially the part about comparing yourself to others! So lovely.

    shewhoisshort.blogspot.co.uk

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  12. Anonymous18.8.14

    what's the book??

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  13. Very wise tips!
    XO
    Jeanne
    http://fashionmusingsdiary.blogspot.fr

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  14. My confidence has definitely grown as I've gotten older too. Although I'm only 22 I used to struggle really quite badly with low self esteem in my early to late teens. Somewhere along the way I learnt that other people were focusing on me no where near the amount that I thought they were and that they're just trying to get on with their lives too. Great post! Made me do a bit of self reflection

    Deb | Debra Bros Blog

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  15. I love this :) thank you x

    Kirstie || A Yellow Brick Blog

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  16. This is such a great post, I think I might need to print it out and hang it near my bathroom mirror :) I've struggled with my self confidence since high school but I do notice that it does get better with age. Though I do feel that it does come and go, a single comment can still make my self confidence sink to the bottom of the ocean, I guess I still have some work to do.

    But you're absolutely right that getting out of your comfort zone does boost your self confidence. I've been doing a self-portrait challenge on my blog and when my idea works out exactly like I pictured it, it does make me more feel like a more confident and capable person.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Kristien

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  17. Totally agree with you! Confidence is something I chose to cultivate in myself, with the help of only a bunch of precious people :)

    By the way - congrats on the designs you made, I might become your customer soon!:)

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  18. Great post! I used to have such a problem with self confidence but I'd definitely say I've got a lot better as I've grown older. I still have my moments but I think the key really is to just not care about what other people think of you! Beth xxx

    http://doodleanddaydream.blogspot.co.uk/

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  19. I have battled with confidence my whole life
    at school you were lucky if you got more than 2 words out of me
    I agree completely with all your points
    the only thing I would add is doing things out your comfort zone (only coz it worked for me)
    which was anything from parties to learning a new language etc.

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  20. I agree with a lot of your points, particularly that confidence grows with age and that being around negative people can affect you. Growing up i was surrounded by a lot of negativity and felt the lowest i ever had in my life. Getting myself away from that situation was the beginning of me growing as a person, and i suddenly felt so emancipated! It's amazing how positive your life can be, and how much more you'll say 'yes' to things when you are surrounded by good people who have only good wishes for you :)

    Nomad Notebook

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  21. I agree with a lot of your points especially with the one about not comparing yourself to others!
    Keep up the good work.
    Eiffie Eiffiesblog

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